I Had Forgotten
by JackTheRiPper
Summary: WARNING: Rape and violence inflicted on people. slash, lots of blood play, and lots of pain, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!


Author: Callisto

Title: I Had Forgotten

Feedback address: krimzon_burns@hotmail.com, or just leave a post

Rated: R

Pairing: Harry/Draco

Summary: It's a surprise, but I'll give you a clue, someone dies.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Rowling and others not me. I take no credit for them, only the plot and idea of this story, that I've written.

Beta: NO

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WARNING RAPE AND VIOLENCE, BOY/BOY RAPE, R rating, LOTS OF BLOOD, AND VERY HARSH WRITING, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

I Had Forgotten.

The day turned to ashes as you looked at me, your eyes harsh and unforgiving. I can't stand it when you look at me like that. But then I remember, I'm not supposed to care how you look at me, or what you think of me, or what you don't.

I had forgotten, that you keep your fingernails clean of dirt like me. You prefer to keep your disgraces forgotten, hidden beneath your bed, or lost in the rubble building behind you. But you won't look at me when I try to catch your attentions; you don't even speak to me anymore. We're not even enemies; you won't even let me have the satisfaction of hating you, even though I know I don't.

I don't exist to you; I've disappeared off the face of the earth, into oblivion. You know how I feel, I've begged you on my knees, asking you to stay, professing my love to you. All you do is walk away, leaving me sobbing on the floor behind you. Leaving me broken, half-naked from our hazard fucking, not even that. You take your perverse pleasures at knowing I suffer by your hand. 

I had forgotten, that you could be so cruel. I had forgotten that you care only for yourself and no one else. That you are never going to change, that you will never care, that you will never turn around and come back to me, to hold me in your arms while I cry. That's fantasy, not reality.

The days go on and on, bleeding into each other. The nights are not much different; sleep does not come, not with you pounding into me, than leaving. Or when my dreams haunt me beneath my closed eyelids. The universe is against me. A faint laughter drifts towards me, cynical and bitter laughter, belonging to you, as you leave again, as you feel pleasure at my wounds, at the blood beneath my battered body, at the pieces of my shattered mind.

The wind howls, and the rain pours harder against stone and earth. Night has come again, and with it comes you, and the pain you bring, like a dark veil following you when you set your mind on me.

I close my eyes, at the onslaught of tears, tears that don't stop until long after you've gone, and hours after I've dropped into blissful darkness. 

I had forgotten that you never stop, that something keeps you coming back to haunt me, coming back to do horrible things to my mind and body. I had forgotten that I'm not worthy of the pain you give me, of the visits you bestow upon me, of my blood on your hands, staining your precious skin. 

Again you've come, I fear for the last time, because the look in your eyes is different, and I fear this new change. You stand there, just looking at me, your stare penetrating my very being, straight to my soul your reading. I dare not raise my eyes to yours; I dare not move, I dare not say a word.

You seem to have not found what you wanted in me; I leave you satisfied but empty, just like you leave me whole but broken. You move towards me, like a dancer with no body, your movement is elegant in its open hatred. Your right above me, mere feet from where I sit on the floor. I always end up on the floor.

You order me to take your clothes off you, and I know tonight I will bleed. I do as you ask, and your naked before me, I can't tare my eyes away from your form, still after all the times I've seen you, your beauty seems astounding. But your angry now, at what I don't know, I've done nothing wrong, but that never stopped you before, why should it now.

You have something in your hand, a blade, and now I know what was different about your eyes tonight. You have a new toy, a new game to play with me, I was right to fear this new change, but I was foolish to think it wouldn't be something so, so sick.

You step closer, and I know now what I've done wrong, I haven't wrapped my mouth around your cock, as I learned a long time ago, I should do before you asked it of me. And I know your going to punish me, and I know I'm going to take it.

You throw me on the bed, and you rip the clothes off me with your blade. It's worse when your faced with something so harsh, I didn't know I could be this scared of you. You aren't supposed to be so evil, so dark inside, so twisted, but I had forgotten that, that is exactly what you are.

My now naked body tremors beneath yours, expecting the worst, yet knowing it's going to be a hundred times worse than that. Your hips straddle mine, and rock against me, your cock hard, and mine just as hard as yours, I learned long ago that you always wanted me to cum when you did, or I'd get worse than ever before. I've learned that the pain you give me, should be seen as pleasure, but it doesn't mean that I think such pain is pleasure.

You've somehow tied my hands above my head, with ropes or magic, I can't tell, it hurts either way. My eyes are closed so I don't see you bring the blade against my skin, but I fell it as it touches me, the cool metal sending a shiver along my skin, through my very being, it doesn't feel so bad, but I've spoken too soon. You dig the blade deeper and deeper into me, it feels as if the tip has gone straight through me, but it hasn't because you move it across my chest, and I feel the warmth envelope me for a second, than the pain, so much pain I scream, I wasn't expecting this, I should have been.

The blood drips from the blade, you lick the tip tasting my blood, taking my life from me. I feel the blood on my chest as it flows out of me. My eyes are open in terror, my heart beating harder, faster, and the blood seeps from the wound faster, there's so much of it, but you're not done yet.

Another line, another slash, I loose count, as I scream, my head thrown back. Then you stop, no more cuts, just the pain. I feel you drop your head to my chest, I feel you lick the blood off me, and all I feel is pain as you do this to me. What did I do, to make you do this to me, I felt as if I've missed something, as I backtrack through my memory, temporarily forgetting the pain and the torment. I remember you looked murderous in the great hall when you looked at me, I remember hearing rumors that you were so angry, but I didn't hear what got you so upset, I can't remember anymore.

Your touch brings me back, it seems you've left my blood to soak into my skin, back into me, as you stretch my puckered hole, you don't use anything to lubricate me, you just enter and pound into me, I already feel the blood pool beneath me, soaking the bed sheets.

You hit my prostate and I feel pleasure, and I know your no longer paying attention to me, you're too far-gone in the thrill of my pain, and your pleasure. You would never let me feel pleasure, and so far I haven't, not really. You keep hitting that spot and, I feel myself cumming, and I'm glad that you've come too, I'd hate to see what you'd do to me if I'd cum first.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I realize that now you own me completely, the cuts on my chest prove it, you've claimed me, in the back of my mind I see the blood filled cuts spelling out MINE, bold and red for the world to see. I'd forgotten that I do belong to you, but now I won't forget.

You get up off me, cleaning yourself off, leaving me filthy, stained in death. You look at me with regret, it appears you broke me, and I can't be fixed.

I try to speak but my voice is long ago used up from my screams, but some how I manage a whisper. I look at you one last time, tears in my eyes I just now realized have been running down my cheeks the entire time, I whisper to you the words you never want to hear, but find some sick pleasure, in watching me tell you when I'm so broken. _"I forgive you for this, I do, and I'll never stop loving you."_ Is all I can say, because my voice gives and there's nothing I can do, no more words I can say.

You look at me, but not in triumph, you have tears in your eyes, but I can't tell if they're real or not. You've stopped at my door, your ready to leave, when I didn't even notice you dress. You don't look the least bit ruffled, you look as you've always looked, except your eyes, and they have no innocence in them. And I've just realized that you cut too deep, that's why your eyes have tears, and why you're leaving so quickly, I'm dying, bleeding to death, the blade still beside me, I can feel it against my side, still cold, or is that me.

You look away, and my vision blurs, reality is slipping away. You can feel it coming; the complete blackness, and abyss, rushing towards you like the ground when you fall. Somewhere in my mind I hear the door open, I hear you move, and I catch the words that leave your mouth, barely believing their truth, yet knowing they're my salvation.

__

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I hurt you, I didn't want to go this far. I...I really di..do love you, I'm so sorry Draco."

Your voice soothes my panic. I close my eyes and drift to sleep. But not before I remember the one thing that I should have known all along.

You see, I'd forgotten, that you hurt the ones you love, I'd forgotten, that you said you hated me with a passion so deep it ran through your veins and through mine, that hate was just the same as love.

I'd forgotten that your voice never broke, and that you only ever spoke the truth to me, even now, I hear you crying, even now that I'm dead. I hear you tears for me. 

And I know that you loved me, and I loved you. So I forgave you for hurting me, hoping you'd forgive me too.

Because it was my fault that I had forgotten that I raped you of your innocence first.

Forgotten your name in all this, forgotten that we could never be, because I'm Draco Malfoy, and your Harry Potter. And that the world hates us both.


End file.
